I’d like to see who has hidden my Facebook feed so I can determine whether or not to defriend them. Currently Facebook does not allow you to see who hides your feed (or at least that I am aware of).
This is an error. While Facebook wants to minimize conflict, what they are actually doing is creating dead weight on people’s social networks. When someone hides my feed they have already voted no to conversation.
For me, many of my Facebook friends come to me through social networks or this blog. Their value to me is not their friendship because in reality we don’t know each other. Instead it’s the potential conversation and engagement we can have on Facebook via dynamic threaded conversations.
When someone hides my feed, generally speaking the connection is no longer worthwhile for me. These people should be defriended. I prefer a hyper-engaged Facebook community.
Obviously, there are family members, interesting profiles and real friends who have hidden me that I’ll want to keep. The reasons to keep them range from tagging in family photos to following just because I find them interesting. Determination is on a case by case basis.
But I should have the right to say no to “friends” who don’t want to talk with me. Where’s the quid pro quo in this situation? The only reason I can think of someone who does not know me personally following me while hiding my feed is to spam melater on. Managing an unnecessarily large Facebook community to deal with Facebook spam when these people want me to attend their event or message me? I think not.
Defriending in these cases is just doing what should have been done in the first place. Dear Zuckerberg and co: Give me the choice to say no thank you.
Here’s the problem – relationships aren’t symmetrical and don’t fall into black and white categories. If I’m friends with you it doesn’t mean that I want to necessarily hear every single damn thing you say about that thing that you love to talk about all the time. I KNOW that I talk WAY too much about social and digital stuff on Facebook. I expect some of my friends to hide me. They still want access to me. They want to be able to see me and engage with me in other people’s posts but don’t want to be deluged by my posts.
Facebook doesn’t allow you to say you want to see less or more of someone’s posts anymore. It’s either see or hide. That’s not how true relationships work in the offline world.
Damien, in the offline world people hide themselves from you… and ignore your phone calls until they need something. ;-)
Geoff, I am wondering if we are all just getting to the point where it’s time to clean house. But gee, do we really want to wash all that ‘so-called’ influence down the drain?? I mean even if they ‘hide’ us, we can still count them as a number, right?! Heh.
@Beth You know where I sit on the #s side of the fence. Nice to flaunt, but less can be more, and this is a great example of that.
My take, Facebook is great for connecting with friends but true friends only. A few months back I took the link to my Facebook profile off of my blog and centered my Facebook use around true friends that I interact with offline frequently.
I now have a much smaller network but the interaction I have there is much better. To many focus on numbers but my true friends know that I am into tech and take an interest because they are real friends, people I know.
Give it a shot.. Facebook = friends Twitter = work/network
Matt: facebook is a top referrer to my blog, particularly as it is a conversation hub for me. No, I won’t turn back like minded people that want to engage there, as many don’t like Twitter. Further, my real friends call or text me. Try it, phones work.
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Relationships ebb & flow. I may hang out with someone a lot offline today, tomorrow not so much then a while later we’re back to being attached at the hip. Same goes for online.
People go through phases. What they do and say today isn’t necessarily what will happen tomorrow.
As someone who has a lot of people hidden in my Facebook feed, I’ll weigh in. If someone wants to connect with me on Facebook, I’m happy to let them, but I don’t always have the same interest in connecting back (just like on Twitter). Hiding their feeds means that they can see my stuff (though more limited access for those who I don’t know) and strike up a conversation, but I don’t have to look at theirs if I’m not interested. Still results in conversations, but without my feed being clogged with people I don’t care about (and without hurting their feelings).
It all comes down to the fact that different people use the tools in the ways that work best for them. If you only want people as Facebook friends who are following your feed, I can totally understand that. But the “hide” function works great for me.
Why not send a message to all your FB friends asking them to let you know they want to opt-in to staying connected and following your feed, and clear out those who don’t respond (which will likely be those who just added you to boost their own numbers)?
Great resolution for future connects, Nedra. Thank you.
I have to agree with Nerda. I have some people who I know IRL who I am friends with and have known for years but due to their political posts (which are constant) I do not feel the need to see their feeds constantly but I would not want to delete them because I see them in real life. I don’t agree with everything they post but this is a great alternative. I think I might be hidden on a few people’s feeds due to my overly passionate feel about the Red Wings and Mad Men. I don’t think Facebook can be perfect and when it comes to another answer they will change it.
I guess I just don’t read into the numbers nor care. If you are passionate about a subject you will comment. That is how I see it.
Just post “Comment on this or I’ll block you” and then do that. You really believe everyone must read your updates? Are you THAT impoirtant? Damn, who tells you they’re gonna even check in to Facebook, even when they don’t hide your feed. If I could talk to your Twitter followers, I’d recommend them to unfollow you if you’re not following them, because thats what you’re saying here (956 Following, 10,323 Followers …).
Thanks, but I like to decide for myself instead of you doing that for me.
@Akku: On the contrary, don’t mix apples and oranges. With Twitter, it’s so public I don’t need to follow you to have a conversation. And the reason why I keep these followers is because I do respond to them.
I only follow people on twitter who I’ve met professionally in person. That way I don’t get spammed with DMs. No where does it say I have to follow everyone back. Anyone who thinks that is full of it. And if they get pissed about me not following them back they can unfollow. I don’t know them more likely than not, or if I do, I found their tweets to be boring or offensive. That’s the deal with public subscription services like Twitter and blogs.
With Facebook, because of its privacy, I have to follow you back to allow access to my feed. My use of Facebook demonstrates that a dynamic conversation fosters great community. I allow more people to be “friends” for that very reason. When they pull the “I don’t want to look at your feed bit but want to stay connected so I don’t hurt your feelings OR so I can spam you later on,” they go against the reason why I chose to friend them. So, they have no value for me (unless I actually know them in real life). And that’s why I am on Facebook. Future friend requests will be vetted.
Like I said above, I want conversation not BS. People have a problem with that then they should defriend. Seriously, I’d be just as happy with a super engaged conversation with 250 instead of having 2500 friends hiding my feed.
Ah well now I see. Then cancel the above … I agree that you should be able to see that. Comeon Facebook, fix this!
Just read your article. Great post. I wonder if Facebook will every do this?? And yes, if a friend doesn’t want me to see my posts but wants me to see theirs, what type of friend is that?